guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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