Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
What a dumb baby whore.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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