Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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