Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
