i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My dick has a subreddit
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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