he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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