Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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