Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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