bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
