You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
