you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
