he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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