i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize