I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You ruined the universe
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
