I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
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