me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
