so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
