I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
