so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
