tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Randomize
