The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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