Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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