he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize