we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
