I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
