you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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