If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize