I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
