I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
