So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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