Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
