I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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