enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
