I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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