He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
