You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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