My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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