the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
