So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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