there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
