I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
