do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize