Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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