What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
