Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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