I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
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I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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