when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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