Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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