mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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