I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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