I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
