Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
