she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
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And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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