I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
