He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
