day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
