The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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