I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
