He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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