Is it normal to miss your booty call?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
