Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
