I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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