Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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