sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
