he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
