Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
