i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
