they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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