We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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