I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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