How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
