No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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