You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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