WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
