When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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